Currently, I am attending a mindfulness course and I have to admit; it gets rather irritating as the information isn’t always going in. Fatigue kicks in, agitation and then stress. I get the handouts and take part in the meditation, but I am struggling to figure out if this is the kind of course I should be doing just yet.
For me, my memory is a huge problem and half the time I do not realise it myself. So trying to practice mindfulness on a daily basis is quite hard.
I started the course due to my old memories resurfacing and causing me mental distress. I suppose a lot of people would see this as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). However, for me; it is like I am remembering who I am, the only difference is, my life growing up was a very distressing one and it is hard to process, or even understand it. Others have seen it as OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) in my thinking. But really, it is just my brain remember who I am, or, who I was for that matter. So me being me, decided to do this course in hope it would help. Even if I can not remember it all, I may remember bits and use it at times of distress. But I do find it hard adding it to my daily routines.
One of the problems is; I am being shown how to be in the present, to stop the mental distress from my past. But its like a catch 22 situation….I need to allow the past in, so I can remember myself. I maybe misunderstanding something about the whole thing?
Anyone here that has done the mindfulness course with a memory deficit?