TBI & Mindfulness

Currently, I am attending a mindfulness course and I have to admit; it gets rather irritating as the information isn’t always going in. Fatigue kicks in, agitation and then stress. I get the handouts and take part in the meditation, but I am struggling to figure out if this is the kind of course I should be doing just yet.

For me, my memory is a huge problem and half the time I do not realise it myself. So trying to practice mindfulness on a daily basis is quite hard.

I started the course due to my old memories resurfacing and causing me mental distress. I suppose a lot of people would see this as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). However, for me; it is like I am remembering who I am, the only difference is, my life growing up was a very distressing one and it is hard to process, or even understand it. Others have seen it as OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) in my thinking. But really, it is just my brain remember who I am, or, who I was for that matter. So me being me, decided to do this course in hope it would help. Even if I can not remember it all, I may remember bits and use it at times of distress. But I do find it hard adding it to my daily routines.

One of the problems is; I am being shown how to be in the present, to stop the mental distress from my past. But its like a catch 22 situation….I need to allow the past in, so I can remember myself. I maybe misunderstanding something about the whole thing?

Anyone here that has done the mindfulness course with a memory deficit?

 

Hello Bloggers

Hello all,

I have just started my own blog on the struggles with an invisible injury – Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI).

What can I say? Yes….I am fortunate – I see myself as a lucky one. But boy, I wish the cognitive effects didn’t stop me from doing what I used to do. It has lost me my dream job that I worked so hard to gain and then was landed in a whirlpool of PTSD, depression, anxiety and much much more. Anyone else feel this?

I am looking to build a strong community on here where we can all talk openly, share experiences and also share coping strategies.

At the moment, I do many courses to help try to improve myself….it is hard due to the memory problem….yes, the dreaded…..lets do this because it sounds good…..then can’t remember a bloody thing afterwards!

Memory problems – to start my blog off, it would be nice to hear others experience of their memories. For me, at the age of 5 years old, I had a fractured skull and a lower right temporal extradural haematoma which was evacuated by craniotomy. My life after that was treated as though nothing had happened to me and I went through much abuse – physical, emotional and sexual. All this is only just starting to come out, because I had recent blows to my head and it caused PTSD, confusion and much more….in away its probably good I remembered it in case it is important for others. But trying to communicate all of this – well, ain’t that something!! My communication is terrible!! I now question myself….did I keep forgetting my own abuse I went through growing up? did I not tell because I could not remember properly and was scared of trying to communicate (I was very quiet after all). It has raised so much confusion for me about myself and quite frankly….I do not understand. Another issue with having a TBI.

It would be nice to hear from others who have suffered TBI/victimization and see how others have coped. For me…..trying to prove I am telling the truth and everyone saying I am lying, is the biggest hurdle of all. Its like victimization all over again, a long with the brain washing, it is the most horrible kind of emotional abuse that people can do to a brain damaged person.